Hello, it’s me. How are ya? I haven’t posted anything new here since June 2016 when I saw X-Men: Apocalypse. Maybe I was so distraught after seeing it and subconsciously that’s why I haven’t written anything. Just kidding (maybe) but really I’ve had some big life events happen since I last wrote here and was writing a bit for another website. This blog really missed out on my 2017 Oscar season thoughts though – I would have written many passionate words about how Lady Bird captured a complicated mother-daughter relationship perfectly or how Call Me By Your Name had my theater all softly crying together or how Dunkirk told a WWII story in a way I hadn’t seen before. My rankings of the Best Picture nominees are below and you can expect more posts focused on music and film but this isn’t about that – back to those big life events I mentioned.
Let’s see. In a span of a year or so I:
- Got engaged and married
- Moved 3000+ miles across the country
- Changed jobs
You might be thinking “Wow, that’s a lot of big changes!” and you would be right! You also might be thinking “Brit, I remember you being pretty open about your struggles with depression and anxiety on here – how are you holding up?”. Well strap in my friend because I’m about to tell you all about moving from East coast Boston to West coast Bay Area through the lens of someone who lives with depression and anxiety. As I always say I’m so open about this stuff because I feel like it’s not talked about enough – I’m all about breaking dat stigma. This also might sound like the ramblings of a lunatic who just had some cold brew coffee so bare with me.
- You will have many feelings all.the.time
When you live with anxiety on your worst days your brain will be in overdrive. If you’re having a bad day and missing home, the feelings will be amplified or if you’re having a good day exploring something new you will think this new place isn’t so bad. You will cut your hair. Some days you will love it and think it’s so cute and sassy and other days you will see photos of yourself when it was 2 inches longer and regret every life decision you made up to that point. Long story short, it’s a rollercoaster.
- Your relationship with social media might change
Social media can be the worst and I personally think it has more negative effects than it does benefits but when you’re 3000 miles away from family and friends it’s one of the easiest ways to see what people are up to. But beware – FOMO is real – be mindful of how much time you’re actually spending on it and how it affects you. I am notorious for texting my friends back within a minute of them calling me and saying “Hey, what’s up?” but learn to FaceTime, or voice call. Get away from the ‘gram. It’s all people’s highlight reels anyway.
- You will do some “big picture” thinking
Home is home. It’s comfortable and all your friends and family are there and you take it for what it is. You don’t really think about what you love about it – it’s just home and you love it and it’s awesome. When you move far away to a new place you start asking yourself what kind of place do you want to put roots down in and what traits and qualities in people are important to you in friends. It’s a lot of important questions that are worth putting some serious thought into.
- You will see a lot of crap
Like, actual crap. This is just something I wanted to address. Before we made the move from Boston to San Francisco people would tell us “San Francisco is just like Boston!” and I’m here to tell you they all lied. My husband and I had never been to San Francisco before we moved here and the only thing I can find similar is the size of the city is comparable and it’s on the water. But there is actual crap everywhere. Dog crap. Human crap. The city is dirty and overly crowded but there is definitely cool stuff to do. We lasted a year there before moving to the South Bay.
- You will be vulnerable
You will feel really vulnerable. And it will be uncomfortable. Your safe cocoon of home made up of your friends and family who really know and love you are miles away. You might cling to people and things that can’t support you in the way you need to be supported and you might take it personally. You will not feel like yourself and hate yourself for it. Little things might affect you more than they usually would. And guess what? When you have depression you default to blaming yourself. Don’t. Please know your worth.
- You will get back on that therapy horse
And you should! Personally my depression and anxiety flare up when big changes happen which is so common. At my first appointment my therapist asked me what have I been doing to deal with things and I said nothing which is INSANE. As much as I like to think of myself as Hermione in Prisoner of Azkaban I’m not (on my best days I might be close). Talking with friends and family can only help so much and sometimes you need to bring in the pros.
If you made it this far thank you, truly. I’m looking forward to keeping this updated and sharing my love for the things I love with you.